Stories From the Heart

They’ll Kill Your Spirit

Toxic relationships cause the greatest harm to our emotional well-being, something I’ve learned to protect as if my life depended on it, and it does.

Let’s be honest with each other. If you are a person with low self-esteem, or you frequently engage in negative self-talk, you’re an easy target for the rulers of toxic relationships: Narcissists/ Energy Vampires.

Consider the relationships in your life; your family members, partners, friends, co-workers, and/or boss. When you spend time with them how do you feel afterward? Tired? Drained of energy? Here is another question. If you get into an argument with someone like this who always wins? Have you noticed how their genius turns everything around to make you the guilty party or the one who screws up?

Typical quotes from an energy vampire:

“You don’t understand me.”

“Why can’t you do anything right?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“You don’t love me.”

“If you loved me you would..”

Toxic relationships burn the life energy out of us leaving nothing but worry, anxiety, mental, emotional, and sometimes physical exhaustion.

The Narcissist

Narcissist Personality Disorder is found more commonly in men than women. Symptoms include grandiosity, callous and unemotional traits, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle criticism, and a sense of entitlement.

There are women who are narcissists but not many. Although, if you take a peek at, Inventing Anna, on Netflix, there she is in all her narcissistic glory.

If there is someone like this in your life, as there is in mine, be ever vigilant to either protect your emotional well-being with everything you’ve got or get out of the relationship. This means learning to say no and mean it. No matter how persuasive the narcissist can be, if you feel your heart and body telling you this isn’t a good idea, then go with it and say no.

After 35 years of marriage, it took me 30 of those years to learn to say no to my husband when he needs a favor with no regard for what I’m doing at the moment. My legs still wobble, I grab onto the kitchen counter for support as I stare him down and tell him, not today, I’m busy.

My husband is a borderline Narcissist and when I’m around him too much I feel drained, irritable, and tired. Fortunately, our work schedule keeps us apart for 3 to 4 days at a time. I take these days to recuperate, meditate, write, rest, and immerse myself in activities I know are healthy for my emotional well-being which has literally saved my sanity.

He’s not a bad person but his energy is powerful and self-absorbent. In recent years, I’ve had to take significant steps to distance myself from him and still remain married to the man. I backed out of the family business. He didn’t take it well but eventually, he understood. And guess what? We don’t see each other as often and our relationship has improved.

This is my story but I wonder, what is yours? Toxic relationships slowly chisel away at our sense of self-worth, our self-esteem and our stress levels are at an all-time high.

I’d like to recommend a book called, Stop Walking on Egg Shells, by Paul T Mason, MS, and Randi Kreger. You can find it on Amazon for $16.99. If you suspect you are living with or closely involved with a Narcissist Energy Vampire this book gives great insight into what makes them tick and how you can learn to handle this type of personality.

The Narcissist is a genius when it comes to turning the story around to make it look like everything is your fault. In fact, these personality types are usually brilliant.

Take care, pay attention to yourself, and do what is necessary to keep your emotional well-being intact and healthy. Don’t allow anyone to make you lose sight of who you are or trick you into believing you are not worth anything.

There may be some hard steps ahead but you’re worth it. Your life and your happiness are everything.